Wide Eyed With Wonder

on living whole

I came to a realization this past month. I have been living with a false belief that if I wasn't doing all.the.WHOLE.things. that I couldn't do any of them.

If I wasn't eating organic everything, then I shouldn't be eating organic anything.
If I wasn't making my own kombucha that I wasn't concerned about my insides.
If I wasn't oil pulling, and boycotting vaccines, and using essential oils, and making my own detergent, and eating vegan and meditating and and and and and...

If I wasn't doing all those things, then what I COULD do, and what I WAS doing..weren't enough. they didn't matter.

ummm...

wait a minute.

so...the times we DID eat clean and organic;
the green personal care and cleaning products in our cupboards;
the tea tree oil tooth paste;
the wool dryer balls;
all my good intentions and my open heart...?

ahhhhh.

There's the crux of it right there, isn't it?  If I'm not doing ALL the green things...then I am not a good enough person. I am not valuing myself as a person. 

Well.  If THAT isn't bull shit, then I don't really know what is.  This vicious cycle of "If I'm not ____________, then I can't do/be/say/etc." needed to stop.  And so...I stopped it!  And in the last few weeks....

I've started meditating regularly.
I use essential oils in ours lives on the daily.
I've started oil pulling.
I'm taking my supplements daily.
I started a second round of Whole30.

It's like...once I realized that I don't need to do ALL the green, whole, self-care (etc.) things....that suddenly I was able to make time for the ones that really matter.  The ones that will make a difference, not only in my life, but in my family's as well. And somehow, it doesn't feel like work., and it isn't taking up that much of my time. 

Sure, I would love to brew my own booch' (maybe in our next house, when we have more space), I wish all our produce was organic (although, I am currently looking into a delivery service!) and making my own detergent would probably soothe Ivy's terrible ezcema.  But doing what I'm doing, and being okay with that as enough for RIGHT NOW? Somehow that has been such a revolutionary thought shift in my life.

I'm still a good human if I choose to eat meat because MY body functions best with it. I just need to do it mindfully. 
I'm still a good mum if I choose to give my toddler Minions snacks every once in a while as a treat and my baby has store bought food sometimes because damnit it's faster and easier and I'm freaking BUSY being a mum, and building a business.
I'm not a bad person, a terrible mother, an uncaring wife or a lazy human if I can't integrate all.the.things. right now.

Because...tomorrow is a new day - and I can make a new choice with each sunrise. Losing my Dad has reminded me that life is short, yes, and also the value of making healthy choices.  But...it has also opened my eyes wide enough to see that all the little choices add up to a much bigger impact - and with time, they won't become choices, they will become second nature...making room for more new choices, and more change.

What are your most important living whole choices?

Currently // January 2016

inside // the furniture is covered in dog hair because #huskylife, the table is covered in well-being books and notebooks, and it is quiet because my whole family is sleeping.  I probably should be as well, but alas...writing feels more important at the moment.

outside // Today it is overcast and dreary, but also kind of warm! Who knows how long it will last, but it was totally nice to get outside in the yard with the kiddos this morning and not feel like a terrible parent for wishing away the minutes so I could warm the F' up :)

hoping // That Mason stops fighting bed time soon...we aren't sure what's up there, but his goal of a 9pm bedtime is starting to wear me down a little.

wanting // to buy all.the.oils. :D 

planning // on sharing a change with someone, but procrastinating on doing so. Looking ahead into February and making some plans for my least favourite month of the year...Hoping to bypass the sadness and leave room in my heart for only the happy things.  That reminds me...time to pull a tarot spread for the month!

eating // super duper clean!  My second Whole30 is in full swing, and while I wish I was eating pumpkin muffins for breakfast instead of eggs (again), I feel pretty good already :)

drinking // copious amount of green tea. and water - always water.

listening // to the Budgets and Cents podcast, as well as all of Ange Peters' [hol-fit] archived periscopes and YouTube videos. And Ivy chatting away in her bed [apparently SHE isn't sleeping any more!]

reading // Daring Greatly by Brene Brown and The Heart of the Revolution: The Buddha's Radical Teachings on Forgiveness, Compassion, and Kindness by Noah Levine.

writing // notes upon notes upon notes in my GetToWorkBook, and working my way through The Conquer Kit by Natalie MacNeil, and LOVING the prompts and guides so far as I try and streamline my business plan and goals.

remembering // my Daddy. every day.

sharing the words of a broken heart

If you know me "in real life" or you follow along on my social media channels...you likely know by now that my family lost my father on January 12th.  It came as a huge shock to us - with no real warning signs or markers, he passed away at the age of 59 from a massive heart attack.

At first I felt strange wanting to post this here...but then I gave myself the same compassion I would give to another - sharing my words is how I cope with difficult situations, how I fumble through the challenging days, and how I celebrate the awesome moments.  I would be censoring myself if I didn't share these words here, alongside so many others from the past years of my life.  With that said...here are the words from my eulogy at his memorial service.

When I was a child, my father had a camera that fascinated me. A black, film Minolta. I mostly remember it coming out for the big occasions – birthday parties, Halloween, Christmases. But sometimes for the small things too – my brothers shovelling snow mountains. Us surrounded by a sea of toys. Playing in the yard. Little trips with his little people.

My appreciation for and love of documenting life absolutely grew from watching him with his fancy black camera. Watching him back up or creep in close to frame the memory perfectly. I am so very grateful for the moments he captured through his lens. But a lesson I have learned the last few days is this:

If you are always the one behind the camera (as I often am), it's time you handed it off to someone else and got yourself within the frame. If you're afraid to see yourself in print, don't like your smile, aren't feeling “photo-ready” or just are not in the mood – you need to get in the damn picture anyways. Because one day, those imperfect, poorly styled, maybe blurry but absolutely beautiful moments will be all that is left for the ones who love you. Your friends, your family, your co-workers, your children...And to them...suddenly it will become glaringly obvious that the little moments were really the big ones all along.

Any of you that knew my dad know that he loved his work. He spent many nights away when we were kids. But do you know what I remember looking back?

• Him braiding my hair
• Colouring inside the lines in colours that didn't make any sense, but made the perfect picture
• How he used to “make the Kraft dinner wrong” because he was so used to serving real food at work instead
• Carving pumpkins as a family, every single Halloween

• Tickets to the theatre each Christmas for myself and my beautiful mother
• Him spending hours of his life waiting in line to get my nose-bleed BackStreet Boys tickets for concerts he wouldn’t even attend
• Fishing trips to Burd's trout farm
• Snow igloos

I remember bear hugs and cow kisses, and funny nick names for each of his three children. And I remember always knowing that my daddy loved me.

When I was a teenager, we butt heads like two rams on a mountain side. He used to talk a lot about being on the same page as people – I used to joke that we were always on the same page but in a different paragraph. He would shoot back “ya, and in a different language too!”

Despite not understanding one another at all, he took a chance on me and opened the door to my first real job at the fresh age of 16. A temporary summer job turned into almost eight years of employment. Many of the faces here today come from that very same workplace. It is a testament to his love for and belief in his Toronto Zoo kids to see so many of you here today. Thank you.

He always said it didn't matter what the results were, as long as we tried our best. He believed in all of us so fiercely – his children at home, and his children at work - and would have given us the sun, the moon and the stars if only he could have reached them. I don't think I really had any idea at the time how many lessons I would learn from him, and how many skills I would take away from knowing him not only as my father, but as a manager and my boss.

• that we all need to take a break sometimes.
• how to read a budget
• the immeasureable value of integrity in all facets of life
• the necessity of double checking for accuracy
• timeliness
• trust
• humility
• the importance of saying “I was wrong. I am sorry”

And even when he was in boss mode, I always knew my daddy loved me.

When I held my son for the first time, I was struck by the realization that I had just birthed a part of my soul within that itty bitty body. My father came to visit us that night, and pride and love shone on his face just bright enough to mask the grimace from his sore knee – we all know the face I'm talking about.

When I was pregnant with my daughter, my parents assured me that there would absolutely be room in my heart to love another child as much as the first. They were right, of course. In hindsight, they almost always were.

It wasn't that my heart grew, or I had to love my son any less. Rather, another little part of me was born within her, and suddenly there was space for love to bloom and grow as she does the same. These two carry a little living piece of me. On Tuesday evening, I had the sudden realization that this must have been a truth for my parents too. That part of his soul was born and nurtured in me. It grew as I grew and shaped me into the woman I am today.

• ever empathetic.
• someone who roots for the under-dog.
• a serial piler.
• a compulsive list maker.
• a lover of food.
• a lover of stories.
• a workaholic.
• and a documentor

Looking through the photos of my father, especially those of him as a small child, I see his face reflected in my son's. And I take comfort in the idea that maybe, just maybe, a little piece of his soul lives on in Mason as well.

I miss you Daddy. .I hope you always knew how much I loved you..And I sure hope they serve steeped tea in heaven.

 

 

16 Goals for my 30th Year

I love a good list. Especially when that list contains goals! If my time working at GoodLife Fitness and lululemon athletica taught me anything, it's the value of solid, measurable goals!  This is what I've got on deck for the next 12 months - many of these are already in the works!

1. use my mindful budgeting planner effectively every single month
2. open a Tangerine Savings Account - and make consistent monthly deposits
3. only use my credit card if I already have the funds to pay off the purchase
4. make felt Christmas stockings for the 4 of us
5. get my yahoo! and live email accounts to inbox zero - and keep them that way
6. enroll enough people in Young Living by September 1 to have a 100PV monthly essential rewards order paid for
7. try one new recipe each month: including
   a burger
   a salad
   a side dish
   a pasta dish
   a pizza
   a smoothie
8. purge, reorganize and paleo-fy our two kitchen pantries. for real.
9. update my phone to an iPhone 6+S
10. organize and purge the last two years in photos. Then print the good ones for scrapbooking - good-bye digital clutter, hello tangible memories
11. complete two Whole30's
12. participate in Week in the Life and December Daily again
13. read 12 new non-fiction books
14. net $12000 via my online shop
15. maintain my two daily habit trackers
    reading a real book 10 minutes a day
    meditating for 5 minutes a day
16. double my instagram following

And a few others I'm currently working on

• DIY a chalk-board in the kitchen [wood is purchased but needs stained and hung. chalk board needs painted]
• finish up my 2015 Week in the Life album [photos are coming!]
• finish up 2014 and 2015 December Daily albums [journalling is missing, a few photos need reprinted]
• use my GetToWorkBook effectively each week [six months down so far!]
• re-branding my shop

What goals are you working towards this year?

[If you're visiting via Facebook - I'd love it if you left your comments here instead!]

Reflecting on 2015's Goals

Looking back through my goal list for 2015 feels sort of depressing. So much so that I'm not going to link back to it!  I actually can't claim any of them as complete...Many of them I progressed towards, some of them I decided to scrap [two quilts with tow kiddos? not a priority at the moment]. and some were just...ignored.

But...Even though I can't exactly identify that list as one full of winners, I CAN celebrate the wins that did occur last year:

• We had a baby! And, after two epidurals with Mason, I was able to have the unmedicated birth I was hoping for :)
• Ivy and I have been nurturing our breastfeeding relationship for 8 and a half months now - yay!!
• I documented 2015's Week in the Life [and the photos are on their way to me as I type this]
• I documented 2015's December Daily
• I [almost!] completed a Whole30 - the second attempt is scheduled to begin the 20th of this month
• I published bog posts in every single month of 2015 - I have never successfully done that before!
• I launched a new line in the Wonder Love Shop, the Boho Babies line [teething/nursing jewelry, pacifier clips and teethers!]
• We donated over ten bags of "stuff" to charity in my quest to declutter and reduce the volume of "stuff" in our home [mostly clothing, blankets and towels, and some toys]
• Nathan finished waterproofing the basement, re-sided the exterior of the house, and put up new soffits and fascia. He also started work on our gigantic and beautiful deck!
• I had my first sponsored giveaway on @thewonderloveshop
• I managed to read some really great non-fiction books, and discovered a couple of new-to-me podcasts as well

All in all, 2015 was a pretty stellar year.  The house looks great, the kids are growing and healthy, our marriage is happy, and aside from a few too many cookies - I don't really have any regrets looking back! Stay tuned for Friday when I'll be sharing 2016's goals list...This year, there WILL be some successes checked off!

Choosing Self-Care

In my One Little Word post for this year, I talked about choosing self-care.  I think for me, a lack of self-care shows up in one main way - I get really, really overwhelmed - and everything suffers.  My nutrition, my marriage, my children, my skin, my passion projects.  I'm starting off this year by making a list of things to practice when I start feeling over whelmed.  Some simple [and a few not as simple] actions to help bring me back to earth and level my head a bit.

I commit to doing these things until I feel better

• inhale some lavender [soothing], apply peace and calming on my wrists [grounding], apply some frankincense to the back of my neck [stress relieving] and massage peppermint on my chest [heart opening]
• meditate for 10 minutes
• go for a walk with the kids
• pull a tarot spread
• enjoy a HOT cup of tea
• clean off my desk
• light candles
• have a hot shower
• fold the laundry that has probably been sitting in a basket for more than 24 hours - and put it away so looking at it won't weigh on my mind
• snuggle my husband
• write in my journal
• put away my phone for an hour
• spend 15 minutes reading a real book
• make a list of every thing that is on my mind
• re-evaluate the food I've been choosing - then, choose to forgive myself
• practice 20 minutes of yoga
• if all else fails - ask for help

Obviously I won't do all of these things every time I'm feeling over whelmed. But oils, meditating and a walk with the kids? Those I commit to choosing, every single time. I'll be printing this list and leaving a copy in multiple places to remind me of my commitment.  What do you choose to do when you're feeling overwhelmed?

via: West Coast Mama

One Little Word // 2016

Oh how I love this time of year.  The air is chilly and the ground is covered in snow.  The sky is always grey...okay, I don't actually love any of those things.

However.

It's also the season for fresh starts. For re-evaluating last year's goals and setting this year's. For the feeling that anything is possible, if we just want it badly enough. And, the season for choosing a new One Little Word.

 I have previously chosen:

2012 // practice
2013 // balance
2014 // complete
2015 // nourish

This year?

Nourish showed up for me a lot last year. Nourishing Mason with healthy food. Literally nourishing Ivy with my own body - growing her within my womb, and providing her with milk now that she is here.. Nourishing my business and my creativity. Working harder to nourish our marriage. I made a lot of good food choices. But I also made a lot of really shitty ones.And to be quite honest, that is where CHOOSE grew from.  A desire to keep choosing the things that fill my life and nourish me - and to make new choices for my body to move closer to wholistic health.

I see CHOOSE showing up in my life in many ways this year.

In 2016, I see myself choosing to practice self-care - I am beginning to accept that I can give more of my best self when I take time to nourish my best self. Meditating, reading, yoga. Heck, even showering [mom's, I know you know what I'm talking about].

In 2016, I see myself choosing to purchase more whole foods [most of the time]. I prepare and eat a lot of really healthy, nutritious food and meals.  This year, I am choosing to expand my palate and eat less sugar.  Not no sugar, because that's silly [hello birthday cakes and candy cane hot chocolate!], but less of it, for sure. Also, I have a second whole30 planned for the end of this month, and will complete at least one more later in the year. I see myself choosing to breastfeed past the one year mark, if that is what Ivy chooses with me.

In 2016, I see myself choosing to keep reading and writing.  I didn't hit my book goal for 2015, but I'm setting the same one for 2016 ad determined to surpass it.  The bonus being that the books I started last year but finish in this one still count ;) I blog intermittently. I write lengthy instagram posts.  I have a journal, a tarot journal and enough notebooks to start a small shop.  This year, I will choose to keep writing, because words make me feel magical.

In 2016, I see myself choosing to work smarter, not harder. If that means going back to my job, then I shall do so.  If it means late nights filling jewelry orders and nap times spent creating, then so be it.  This year, working looks like limited distractions [ahem, no phone as I work] and increased productivity.

In 2016, I see myself choosing to continue minimizing.  Buying less "stuff". Donating more things we no longer love or need. Using what we have already got, repairing things that can be fixed and loving the simplicity we are cultivating. More does not always mean happier, and I am determined to keep whittling things down until our house is only filled with things that are lowed or useful.

These are the things that have me feeling hopeful.  light. excited for the year to come - so these are the things I will focus on, the choices I will strive to make with consciousness and intention.

What is YOUR guiding word for 2016? What are you choosing for this new year?

Go To Whole30 Meals

On Monday I shared my thoughts on my first Whole30 experience.  Today I'm here again, sharing a few snaps of the meals I leaned on multiple times during my four weeks in the program.  I did eat a lot of the same foods [peppers and zucchini pretty much every day!] but I tried to put them together in different ways to keep things interesting [sometimes with eggs, some chicken, some sausage. Sometimes with avocado, some over spinach, some over baby kale. etc etc.]

One of the easiest ways to make your Whole30 a success is to have.food.prepared.

Pre-cook meats to eat cold or reheat in a minute or two
Buy pre-washed salad mix or prep lettuce to have at the ready
Chop veggies to eat raw, add to a salad or steam/sautee quickly for things like omelettes, stirfry and warm salads
Find compliant nuts and keep them in your bag
Make extra at most meals and you'll always have an option to eat later on or in the next few days
Stick with what you like.  So what if you eat the same meal ten days in a row. If you like it and it's nutritious, keep at it for  a few days.

Around here at this time of year, sweet potatoes are gigantic and dirt cheap.  I frequently sliced one or two into spears, tossed them in some avocado oil and roasted them for 40 minutes [20, flip, 20] at 425*.  Yes, they are cooked before 40 minutes.  But they extra time helps make the outside caramelize and get crispy - and that's just too good to pass up! I generally tossed mine with rosemary, garlic powder, salt and pepper.

Super easy breakfast - two soft-boiled organic eggs, half an avocado and 2 pieces of crispy fried prosciutto.  bam. I couldn't find any compliant bacon around here [damn sugar! But PC makes a complient prosciutto in their Free-From range of products, and it was great to have on hand.

Greens with meat and veggies on top. I added some salad dressing to whole30 mayo to make a creamy dressing as an alternative.  These lunches were my favourites.

Being basically the sole source of nourishment for a tiny human means my appetite is basically constant.  Loved this combo to keep me going between meals and some times before bed - cause when you know you'll be up half the night anyways, you try and prep yourself in advance.

Leftovers and veggies.  Easiest, fastest meal choice - and almost always delicious.
And finally....whatever was in our fridge.  Some meals didn't exactly make much sense.  But, sometimes striving for a balance of food types is more important than a pretty, well dressed plate.

Have you completed a whole30? What were your go to meals?

Currently // 12 Edition

inside // the Christmas tree is still up and there are new toys strewn about all over the place.  I moved the shelf from the living room into the front closet and suddenly the room has doubled in size. my "to be read" pile has grown in the last week, and my free time seems to have dwindled even more now that the kiddos no longer nap at the same times. The kiddos are getting over sickness, I'm coming down with it and Nathan [so far] has escaped unscathed.  Dear December, you were fun, but I won't be sad to see you go.

outside // we had a small scale blizzard last night and the ground is covered with several inches of wet, mushy snow.  It was enticing enough for Mason to want to go out and play - though once we went out, he got over the cold and the wet pretty quickly. The outdoor renovations have temporarily halted, but, the siding, soffits and fascia are all up and everything looks so wonderful!  Bring on the eaves troughs, woohoo!

hoping // That Ivy starts sleeping again this week. And Mason.  'cause dude, this mama is so.freaking.tired. But also, hoping that this breastfeeding journey can continue well into 2016. 

wanting // for the resolution I am seeking to become our reality. Send your good vibes our way?

planning // another round of Whole30 in the new year, likely in January with my brother. a mala making workshop in February, as well as two mom-to-mom sales in February as well. 

eating // everything in sight.  seriously.

drinking // copious amount of hot chocolate. and water - always water.

listening // to old episodes of the BEING BOSS podcast. to Mason stringing words together into sentences and blowing our minds each day. to the kids giggling at one another during play times, and to myself reading stories and singing songs on repeat.repeat.repeat.

reading // the remainder of BIG MAGIC as well as GENTLE BABIES.  Dipping in to RAISING CHICKENS FOR DUMMIES as well.  alas, so many books, so little time.

writing // notes and plans for 2016. drafts of next year's ONE LITTLE WORD

remembering // ivy is on the brink of movement, and each day she wobbles closer to crawling, I am struck with nostalgia as I remember when Mason did the same thing. go baby, go!

On : My First Whole30

Partway through November, I finally took the plunge and dove head first into my first round of Whole30.  The Whole30 is basically a short term elimination diet that acts as a nutritional reset for your body and how it functions.

For thirty consecutive days, you avoid the following:

• Any and ALL added sweeteners [excluding fruit juices in pre-made products]
• All dairy [excluding ghee, or butter that has been clarified]
• All gluten
• All legumes [including corn, soy and peanuts]
• All alcohol
• MSG and sulphites

The book It Starts With Food gets in to the nitty gritty sciency details of the program - I loved this, because I need to understand the why's and the how's before I can dive in to something like this.  The Whole30 cookbook is a more condensed version, taking out the deeper science but leaving easily accessible fact.  I recommend both, highly. Despite the heavy content, I still made it through It Starts with Food in just a few days, and the Whole30 book offers great recipes, analogies and photos.

I didn't track how I was feeling day by day in a journal, but I did share a lot of what I was eating on my wellness instagram account @wideeyedandwhole, with some notes along the way.  [Click to read].

I was really nervous about starting this program. Nervous because I tend to start things like this and then give up on myself partway through. Nervous because I didn't want to give up cheese, chocolate almond milk and cookies.  Nervous because I was heading in to the holiday season and choosing to restrict myself from all of the goodies.  But you know what? It was a beautiful time to start - I had a built in reason to say "no thanks" and not even really feel deprived of anything fatty or sugary. 

So. the fun part! My results:

• I made it 26.5 days before choosing to stop.  I made a conscious decision after three days of weighing pro's and con's to stop on my 27th night.  Why? We were at a Christmas party with people I see once a year and at a gorgeous Italian restaurant.  I could probably have had a simple salad and some grilled chicken and survived just fine.  But one of the lessons I learned in the books is to decide what is really WORTH IT.  Fast Food on the way home because of poor planning? bad choice - not worth it.  Thoroughly enjoying a night of fancy food with friends I rarely get to see? Totally worth it.   I chose my food carefully, avoiding gluten and copious amounts of added sugar, opting for two drinks [Vodka soda with lime] and gluten free pasta with a cream based sauce.  I tried to make a decision that wouldn't completely derail my re-introductions. Since I'm not a big drinker at all, I was worried about the alcohol interfering with the dairy. Even though I didn't make it the full 30 days, I am so proud of how I did, and how it ended.  
• I ate more larabars than I should have.  Sort of a food with no brakes I think - definitely filing that away for next time.  But, I only ate compliant ones, so that counts for something, no?
• I did allow myself to have a salad dressing that was 100% compliant aside from canola oil. Since canola oil is allowed on certain terms [ie: when out for dinner, since all restaurants cook with it], I decided to continue using it rather than allow it to go to waste. Next time, I will make all my own dressings, not just the mayo [which, by the way, was delicious!]
• This wasn't about losing weight, but I did lose 5 pounds .  Nice bonus :)

General thoughts:

• It really isn't as hard as I expected it to be
• I still wanted to eat cookies and chips on day 27. I probably need a Whole45 or Whole60 to really reset my mind...But I'm not QUITE up for that just yet.
• The food dreams are a real thing.  So is the guilt you feel after waking up from one, yikes!
• I am looking forward to doing this again in the New Year...after my 30th birthday, of course ;)

I'll be sharing a few of my favourite go-to Whole30 meals in another post this week, so stay tuned.