To my big boy,
So here we are at four months. As I write this you are fast asleep in your swing, face half covered in a blanket, swaying and snoring softly at my side. I love that combination of sounds...the gentle whir of the mamaRoo and the quiet nasal overlay of your little snores. This is my new sweet sound of silence. This combination of sounds means that you are getting the precious rest you need, and that you are still alive and breathing. True silence is scary these days...I'll take your gentle snoring as a reminder of your presence any day.
So much has happened for you in this past month! We had a really hard week followed quickly by a truly fabulous one. We are seeing a paediatrician and oh, she is simply fabulous. She thinks you're adorable (who doesn't, really?) she cares about my well-being. Most importantly she wants us to know that you are happy and healthy, before discharging us from her care.
This month she had me completely remove all traces of milk and soy from my diet. That means I'm reading food labels left-right-and-center. It was really hard for your mama at first. I felt so deprived! I was feeling sorry for myself when your daddy gave me the reality check that not eating these things is really a gateway into eating a properly paleo diet, and that in that light, it's actually kind of a blessing. I didn't want to hear it at the time, but man! Your daddy sure was right. Avoiding these foods to make you feel better has the pleasant side effect of making ME feel better as well...so thank you for that blessing in disguise, wee man.
This month...your mama and your daddy BOTH made you laugh for our first time. I was alone with you when it happened for me, and I think I cried harder hearing you laugh than I did when you first smiled a real smile for me. We were sitting on the floor in front of your dresser and after that first giggle escaped your tiny lips I kept laughing myself to try and keep you going. Let me tell you, laughing and bawling your eyes out simultaneously is no easy task, but I managed it! The pair of us spend a lot of time making weird faces and blowing raspberries at you to try and coax out just one more laugh. It's worth every second of ticklish lips and feeling silly. I was right - it does fill me with more joy than I could imagine.
This month you really became content with sitting in your swing while awake and just taking things in. You tried to roll over from both front-to-back and back-to-front...but weren't exactly successful at either (soon baby, soon!!) You really started to recognize what it means to be left alone - and man, you are NOT a fan of that! This month I was able to carry you around with one arm instead of two, as your core control has improved SO much! And this month you have spent so much time sucking on your little fingers it's a wonder they haven't turned permanently pruned! You realized Sophie the giraffe makes a pretty good substitute for your fingers as well.
I want to remember waking up before you yesterday for the first time..ever!
I want to remember your goofy giggles while we bopped along in front of the gluten-free freezer at the Superstore.
I want to remember the shock I felt when I realized I don't have to hold on to you the whole time you're in the bath anymore...you're big enough to prop yourself up without slipping now.
To remember those huge crocodile tears that crawl slowly down your cheeks are always, always followed by huger, heart-wrenching smiles.
To remember the way your eyes widened and your little head bobbled around the first time we put you in your new Bumbo chair.
To remember that this month I was able to hip-carry you in the Sakura Bloom sling for the very first time.
The way my heart skipped a beat when I got to see you sleeping peacefully in your Gran's lap after a few hours apart while I was out at the dentist. Oh how I missed you!
The way your face goes tomato red, your lips purse right out and your ENTIRE body arcs and contracts when you have a really good sleepy stretch :)
Changing the size on your cloth diapers because you've grown so much in the past month (you're 14 pounds and 7oz right now - whoa!)
Pulling out onesies from the 6 month drawer because we had to retire a few of the 3 month ones already.
Quietly watching you smile and laugh for your daddy, and wiping away my silent, joyful tears.
Really, REALLY realizing that you are not a dream, and we don't have to give you back. That, yes it is heart-breaking and so hard when you scream, but we wouldn't change a single thing, if it meant it changed who you are, little man.
Every single day we spend with you we can see with our very eyes how much you are learning, growing and changing. And we are mad-crazy in love with you Mason. More and more each day.