I came to a realization this past month. I have been living with a false belief that if I wasn't doing all.the.WHOLE.things. that I couldn't do any of them.
If I wasn't eating organic everything, then I shouldn't be eating organic anything.
If I wasn't making my own kombucha that I wasn't concerned about my insides.
If I wasn't oil pulling, and boycotting vaccines, and using essential oils, and making my own detergent, and eating vegan and meditating and and and and and...
If I wasn't doing all those things, then what I COULD do, and what I WAS doing..weren't enough. they didn't matter.
wait a minute.
so...the times we DID eat clean and organic;
the green personal care and cleaning products in our cupboards;
the tea tree oil tooth paste;
the wool dryer balls;
all my good intentions and my open heart...?
There's the crux of it right there, isn't it? If I'm not doing ALL the green things...then I am not a good enough person. I am not valuing myself as a person.
Well. If THAT isn't bull shit, then I don't really know what is. This vicious cycle of "If I'm not ____________, then I can't do/be/say/etc." needed to stop. And so...I stopped it! And in the last few weeks....
I've started meditating regularly.
I use essential oils in ours lives on the daily.
I've started oil pulling.
I'm taking my supplements daily.
I started a second round of Whole30.
It's like...once I realized that I don't need to do ALL the green, whole, self-care (etc.) things....that suddenly I was able to make time for the ones that really matter. The ones that will make a difference, not only in my life, but in my family's as well. And somehow, it doesn't feel like work., and it isn't taking up that much of my time.
Sure, I would love to brew my own booch' (maybe in our next house, when we have more space), I wish all our produce was organic (although, I am currently looking into a delivery service!) and making my own detergent would probably soothe Ivy's terrible ezcema. But doing what I'm doing, and being okay with that as enough for RIGHT NOW? Somehow that has been such a revolutionary thought shift in my life.
I'm still a good human if I choose to eat meat because MY body functions best with it. I just need to do it mindfully.
I'm still a good mum if I choose to give my toddler Minions snacks every once in a while as a treat and my baby has store bought food sometimes because damnit it's faster and easier and I'm freaking BUSY being a mum, and building a business.
I'm not a bad person, a terrible mother, an uncaring wife or a lazy human if I can't integrate all.the.things. right now.
Because...tomorrow is a new day - and I can make a new choice with each sunrise. Losing my Dad has reminded me that life is short, yes, and also the value of making healthy choices. But...it has also opened my eyes wide enough to see that all the little choices add up to a much bigger impact - and with time, they won't become choices, they will become second nature...making room for more new choices, and more change.
What are your most important living whole choices?